1. She’s not necessarily insecure. Worrying about whether or not she’s loved isn’t always a product of low self-esteem, it’s also what happens when you acknowledge the reality that love does not always last, and often unexpectedly so.
2. She wants a real relationship, whatever “real” means to her. She’s not here to skirt around the corners or “hangout” or just half ass it, and if we’re being really honest, who is? Either commit or let her find someone else who will.
3. Saying “stop worrying!” is not only pointless, it’s damaging. This is a little something called emotional invalidation, and to have a healthy relationship, you have to be able to acknowledge how your partner feels, even if you don’t “agree” with it.
4. Jokes that are mean aren’t funny, they’re just mean. Someone who worries a lot isn’t going to take kindly to people who don’t have enough decency to realize that just because *they* find something hilarious doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t find it hurtful.
5. If you want to help her feel less stressed, compliment her strengths. Worrying is a function of fearing you won’t be able to handle something if it arises. The best way to get rid of it is either to ignore it when it’s irrational, or counter it by pointing out how capable and intelligent she really is.
6. She’s probably smarter than you realize. IQ is generally linked to a higher propensity to worry, as people who are more conscious of realities or potential outcomes would, naturally, have more reason to worry about them.
7. Laugh about the little things. Nothing will make a girl who worries fall in love more than someone who can laugh when the little things go wrong. It’s important to let her know that not being perfect doesn’t make her unloved.
8. She probably sees her imperfections as strikes against her, rather than characteristics. Remind her that the things she most worries about are likely the very ones that make her exactly who she is, and exactly why you care about her.
9. Be a grown ass person about your dating life together. If you want to take her out, explicitly ask her to do so. Let her know where she stands. Be honest, be straightforward, be considerate. This should always be the case, but especially with someone who is prone to overthinking.
10. She worries because she cares. She cares so damn much. She cares that you’re happy, she cares that your relationship works out, she cares that her life turns out the way she hopes it will. She worries because she wants to protect the things she loves, and if you’re lucky, you’ll be one of them.
11. Reaffirm that she’s likely doing better than she thinks she is. She’s probably pretty motivated (people who worry a lot often come up with just as many solutions, ideas and dreams for themselves) so remind her that it’s all normal, and that everything will be okay because it always is.
12. Being sensitive is a beautiful thing. In fact, the best people to date are the ones who care enough to worry, and who are sensitive enough to over-think a little, and who actually want to take their lives seriously. You may think you prefer the “chill” girl, but when it comes to actually giving a shit about your lives together, the girl who will worry is the one you want to be with.
Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here .