1. I’d reject a girl for that reason too
Today I rejected a guy’s advances on me because he spelled annoyed ‘enoyed’.
2. I didn’t know a “baby-dyke” was a thing
As a lesbian, if your appearance gives any hint of you being a baby-dyke, then I won’t date you.
For reference, a baby-dyke is a young lesbian who is just coming out and is probably going through a weird transitional stage in their appearance and mannerisms to adjust to being gay. Examples are: wearing a beanie, having an awful haircut just because you think it makes you look gay, anything on your person that is rainbow (the exception being for femmes who want to do something subtle so other lesbians/queers will know they’re gay), constantly talking about things you read about in autostraddle, etc.
Being gay and discovering yourself is totally fine – just call me when you’re able to crank it back down from an 11 to maybe like a 7, ok?
3. Ergh, what the hell
He called a blowjob “your feeding time.”
4. I’m thinking twice about my relationship now
“Lol Harry Potter is for nerdy little kids.”
Nope’d out of that one.
5. My girlfriend and I type like this all the time — we think it’s cute
“how r u lol”
It’s the “lol” as punctuation that’s the real dealbreaker; the lack of proper spelling just confirms it.
6. Car speak
With one guy, there wasn’t any chemistry there, so I would have not gone on a second date anyways, but he also had one annoying habit that added to my decision. Whenever he would tell a story or mention anyone he would also include what kind of car they drove and a fact about that car.
Like when talking about what he’d done the weekend before “oh, I went to the little festival with my friend Carl, he drives a 96 ford taurus that I helped him switch out the passenger side door with one from the junkyard, so it’s a color, and we saw a cool band play. While we were there we ran into another friend Amy, she drives an 06 civic that gets great gas mileage, and she introduced us to her new boyfriend Ray, who I think I saw get into a f150, but I couldn’t tell what year it was, but probably newer than 06 because it had the newer hood design. He seemed like a cool guy.”
7. Well, I have my birthday tattooed on my arm in roman numeral
He has his own name tattooed across his chest.
8. You lost that one
In 5th grade I broke up with my first boyfriend because he had armpit hair and none of the other 5th grade boys had it.
He’s Spanish and like 6’5 gorgeous as fuck and a pilot now, so…. That was my bad. Hahaha
9. Basically an LDR
The subway commute between our apartments meant I had to change trains from the N/Q to the A/C/E.
10. NO MANNERS
He chewed with his mouth open.
And another smoked weed with me and slobbered all over the joint. Don’t slobber all over my joint.
My stomach growled and he pointed to his crotch and said, “Oh are you hungry?” I had just met him. I walked away very quickly.
12. This is the first and last time you will see “Kid Rock” referenced on Thought Catalog
He wanted me to go to a Kid Rock concert.
13. Narcissist much?
Because he said that he was prettier than me while staring into the mirror.
14. This is the saddest man I never knew
Let me tell you the story of the saddest man I ever dated.
He was nice enough, not really intimidating, average. Really average. He was the sort of guy you wouldn’t look twice at if you entered a room, he just blended in to the shadows.
The first shallow reason I had for thinking we should break up was the fact he didn’t like to read (I later found out he couldn’t read). But perhaps the worst reason was his fear of vaginas.
The first time we slept together he told me “I’ve never gone down on a woman before, too much is down there and it confuses me”, when I told him I could teach him he just said “no, I’m scared, but you can go down on me.”
We had sex a couple more times, but the break up was instigated by the fact that after having sex one night this painfully boring, uninteresting and stupid man burst into tears and said “I just want to be famous, or on TV!”
15. He was bland, so was his color choice
His flat was too beige. He was a lovely guy, but everything he owned was just so….bland. If there was a personality in there, I didn’t see it.
16. WHAT DID I DO, DID I DO SOMETHING?
Any guy who texted too much when I was single was an automatic out. If I didn’t answer his text yet and he sent more texts asking other questions to try to get a response he was out.
Ex: Him: what’s up?
Him: I forgot to tell you about so and so….
Him: work was crazy today
Him: well you must be busy text me later
Him: hope everything is okay.
Him: did I do something?
Me: I was in the shower for 17 minutes for fucks sake, don’t ever text me again.
17. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR GLASSES SLIDE DOWN YOUR NOSE? IT’S ANNOYING AS FUCK
I went on one date with a guy who punctuated every one of his points with the phrase, “Fun fact…” And would push his glasses back up his nose while saying this. IT WAS SO DISTRACTING AND ANNOYING. I couldn’t deal with it; I never saw him again.
18. How do you confuse “Thought” and “Though”?
I have also rejected a guy for spelling and grammar reasons. He couldn’t understand the difference between the following:
1. your and you’re
2. though and thought
3. their, there, and they’re
Given that we e-mailed back and forth a lot while I was at work, there was no way I could tolerate that. He was a really nice guy and obviously bright when you talked to him, but he was hopeless. When I talked to him about it, he blamed his poor understanding of grammar on having gone to college instead of university. Pft. He had to pass high school somehow!
19. Yeah, you don’t know how to spell my name?
He told me he hadn’t saved me in his phone yet because he didn’t know how to spell my name. My name is Lauren.
20. What the heck is this crap
Bad kisser. He honestly tried to put his tongue into my stomach, im sure of it.
Then three weeks later he wrote on his Nexopia page that he loved me.
21. She knows who she wants
If rejection based on intelligence is shallow, then I am a shallow, shallow woman.
I value education, and I have worked hard to educate myself and I seek the same in a partner. I know looks will fade and I want to have good, strong conversations with each other. Intelligence and education will play strongly into this.
Shallow is something like “he has one tiny mole on his arm, so his skin isn’t 100% perfect.”