Category Archives: Job

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By IkemSamuel

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15 Foolproof Tips For Nailing Your Next Job Interview


It is so tough to get a job these days!

Getting your resume noticed and having them read your application is no easy task.

Even getting an interview is tough.

Once you get a chance, you can’t blow it.

Follow these 15 tips and your next interview will be your best and will help you land the job of your dreams!

1. Arrive early!

Nothing says “I’m really interested in this job” and “I have absolutely no life outside of this job; really, I’m desperate, and may ask to sleep under my desk” than showing up hours or even days before your time slot, making yourself at home and sitting across from the receptionist, grinning incessantly, laughing loudly at all of her jokes as well as viciously berating all other applicants who are even a second late for their interview.

2. Be prepared!

Don’t attempt to “wing it” or “improvise” or “pull rabbits out of your hat” even when your magic skills are your best/only skill. Do your research about this company, its philosophy and what the expectations of your job will be so you can fill your interview with verbatim quotes from their website and internal private emails. Also research your prospective employer’s embarrassing social media posts and thought-to-be-expunged criminal record. Remember, extortion isn’t pretty, but neither is being rejected again.

3. Dress for success!

Now is just not the time or place to show off your creative and in-your-face interpretation and critique of what “professional attire” means. It is also not the time to show off your beach bod or your are-you-part-gorilla chest or back hair. You must wear matching socks, keep your entire posterior covered throughout the whole interview no matter how badly it wants out and leave your large collection of capes and “alternative head wear” at home. Absolutely no ski masks!

4. Appear relaxed!

Yes, you may be anxious or sweating profusely or stressed out to the point where you are so tense you can’t bend down to sit and they may wonder if you are some sort of robot or made out of wood. You may also feel like you want to throw up or lay on the ground whimpering in a fetal position or rip your clothes off and run around screaming, but, in my experience, those won’t help you get a job except in very certain (and rare) circumstances. I suggest either a small amount of tranquilizer (horse or rhino are my current favourites), lots and lots of lube, a sedative/muscle relaxant or go to a yoga class beforehand — whatever works for you.

But, not too relaxed. This isn’t your man cave or your spa or your padded room downstairs — this is a job interview. I can’t emphasize that enough. You need to strike the delicate balance between focused and calm; between excited and not freaking everyone out with your intensity. I find it helps to imagine the interviewer naked, or partially naked if full nakedness is a bit too much right after lunch. Just remember not to stare too much at them while licking you lips and moaning as that will come across as “creepy” and “perverted” and “you can show your way out now but I do get off at 6pm”.

5. Make eye contact!

You don’t want to appear timid or shy or amphibian, so as soon as you enter the room, look into the eyes of your interviewer and, whatever it takes, don’t be the first to look away even if it causes you significant eye strain and/or to start shaking involuntarily. If it helps, pretend you are being interviewed by a feral animal or rabid step-father that you need to show who’s boss. If that does indeed help, it may be worth checking that out at some point with a therapist.

6. Body language is so important!

Enter the room positively glowing, literally. If at all possible (and financially feasible) have moderately-vigorous sex beforehand with or without other humans. Or, there are some great over-the-counter products these days that are not nearly as harmful for you and the environment as they once were! (thank you science!) The key is to exude warmth from the moment the interview starts —either you are actually that warm a person or I find that small portable space heaters placed just so (and out of sight of the interviewer) do the trick every time.

7. Speak well!

This is a great chance to appear intelligent and show off your vocabulary. In case that your vocabulary is limited, I suggest memorizing a list of 15–20 words of at least 4 syllables and tossing them randomly into sentences. Don’t worry at all whether what you say makes any sense at all — if you speak with unflinching confidence, a slight unplaceable-accent and well-timed winks, your interviewer will be so impressed and it’s not like they are going to stop you, risk potentially embarrassing themselves, and check dictionary.com.

8. But, not too much!

This isn’t your opportunity to get up on your soap box (for starters, leave the soap box at home) or high horse (ditto). Yes, as tempting as it might be, don’t launch into any of your way-out-there, enraged, conspiracy-ridden diatribes about the mayor or dieting or the end of the world as we know it. Show that you are a good listener, can sit cross-cross-apple-sauce on the carpet and will raise your hand to ask to use the washroom. Leave them wanting more and finish each sentence with the statement “and if you want to know more, please check out my blog!” The traffic to your site may double!

9. Embrace silence!

Don’t worry if there are moments when no one is speaking. Maybe your employer is a fan of miming? Or they want to see how you’d react in a workplace scenario when your office is bugged by the Feds? But, the key point is that silence isn’t bad as it is almost impossible to have zero silence unless you have spent hours rehearsing together beforehand. Don’t forget, silences, like relationships and corporate takeovers, are only awkward if you let them be. So, when silence arrives, which it will, stand, grab the hand of your interviewer, close your eyes. Start to hum an inspirational tune. Bring a wind machine to complete the affect.

10. Confidence goes a long way!

Go get that job! Remember, on your way to the top, you will have to occasionally take prisoners, eat some dogs and squash some bugs (mostly expressions). These are small prices to pay to get your dream job (depends on the size of the dog). In the interview, confidence must ooze out of every pore (I recommend loose, light clothing that one would wear while on safari). On principle alone, do not take no for an answer even when it is the only reply that makes sense. Leave absolutely no doubt in their mind that you are the right person for the job and that, in many ways, you are the only person who is able to do this exact work. You are doing them a favor by taking the position. Another favor is using the company photocopier each Thursday between 8 and 9pm, no questions asked.

11. Use compliments!

Butter your interviewer up! No, not seriously, unless they have signed the consent form ahead of time which rarely is the case which is why you sprung for the refrigeration unit in your car. As I’ve said a million times — rancid butter will never get you a job. Go out of your way to make them feel good by saying “what is your secret?” and “I guess this office is where the smart beautiful people work” and “OMG, boy and/or girlfriend, you are all like DAMN.” no matter how much your soul is dying inside. Remember, how you feel no longer matters if you want this job.

12. Own the room!

Open the door with such dramatic flair and impressive eyebrow movements that the interviewer will be inclined to give you a standing ovation. Refuse to begin the interview until they do. Remember: excessive eye contact must be avoided as they will think you are a deer caught in the headlights, flirting or have some sort of pre-existing eye condition. You must enter the room and completely dominate the space — moving quickly and confidently marking your territory as a bear or roommate who-doesn’t-pick-up-on-your-hints-to-leave would. Finally, demonstrate that you own the room by placing no fewer than three non-ironic modern photography prints on the walls.

13. Size Up the Competition!

And I don’t mean measuring them in the waiting room, though, feel free if it works for you. Instead, I suggest the following simple steps.

#1: Somehow get a hold of the list of candidates (I suggest either blackmailing the receptionist, simply asking nicely or dating her before breaking up after the third date because you’ve decided to finally become a priest; whichever fits into your budget).

#2: Delve deeply into each of their lives, digging up sordid details from their past, or, if they are squeaky clean, you cannot be above completely fabricating disgusting falsehoods unless you enjoy being unemployed and eating plain cereal out of the box in your parent’s basement.

#3: During the interview say things such as “I know you are considering [insert competitor’s name here] but have you seen this photo of him drunk, naked and covered in dandelion fuzz?” or “[insert competitor’s name here] would be an incredible hire, that is, if you are okay with someone who clearly, based on this website she created, hates everything you, this company and every decent human being stands for.”

14. Promise the moon!

During the interview, your sole task is to greatly inflate your own skills, achievements and talents while being as vague as possible on your actual experience and qualifications. Make tons and tons of promises of things you will do once hired, each one more amazing than the one before. This is your chance to make promises your butt, if it’s anything like mine, can’t cash. So, sell them a timeshare in Florida! Sell them some snake-oil. And sell them some extra life insurance! In case things aren’t going as planned, always carry a small amount of wool to put in front of their eyes as a last ditch effort.

15. Save the best for last.

Regardless of how the interview has gone, you must finish off on a high note (no singing!) It’s a fine line as you want to leave a great final impression, but you don’t want to come across as obviously sucking up (unless that is your best feature). In my experience, freshly baked cookies, free stock market advice and discount coupons for the local grocery store are welcome and, relatively, subtle gifts that can move your application to the top of the pile. As you get up and leave, the final handshake must be either something hip and fresh accompanied by some current Afro-American Vernacular or so strong and unrelenting that they won’t be wondering “if you lift bro?”.

Now, go nail that interview and get that job!

By maylish

Here Is What You Need To Do If You Want To Quit Your Job To Travel The World


Today I woke up in my new Barcelona apartment, did some writing on the patio, watched the sun rise behind the pink and tan stucco buildings, then walked through town past some famous Gaudí architecture to meet and co-work with fellow digital nomads at a cafe.

Truth be told? One year ago I never thought that this could be my life. I never thought I’d be pouring all this azúcar moreno on my “café con leche, por favor” while networking and typing away with people from all around the world. Yet here I am, improving my Spanish by the day. How did I go from a 9-5 in San Francisco to this #digitalnomadlife where I now travel, live, and work all around the globe?

I believed in myself.

Living a location-independent life is a new phenomenon, and as such it’s met with lots of tension and disbelief. Friends and family aren’t always able grasp the concept, and most everyone will think you’re “a wild one” on an extended vacation. More, from all those years of following societal norms, your mind is autoprogrammed to think the same.

You’ll be dragging around that imaginary corporate ladder, knocking people over the head all the way through the plane aisle until you can finally shove it into that overhead compartment. But you cannot let all this resistance stop you. You have to fight back, know that what you’re doing is what will lead you to your ultimate life of freedom, and believe in yourself enough to make it happen.

I fought past fear.

If you’re like me and just about every other single person in the entire world, you’re scared of failure and the unknown. But guess what? The only things these fears are good for are 1) living a mediocre life, and 2) keeping you from achieving your dreams.

As Jim Carrey said: “So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised with practicality. My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12-years-old, he was let go of that safe job… I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

It’s time to get the off over your fears already. If you don’t, you’ll never be who you’re truly meant to be. No more excuses.

I considered my backup plan.

What was I currently doing? Living in San Francisco and working at a startup. What was my backup plan should I “fail” at traveling and working for myself? Move back to San Francisco and work at a startup. The thing I would do as my worst case scenario should everything fail was literally the exact same thing I was doing at that moment.

Now, can you really tell me that your backup plan is any different from what you’re doing right now? Oh, it’s not? Well then, my friend, you’re already living your worst case scenario. And you haven’t even given the best case a shot. There’s nothing more to discuss.

By Emmaattack

Desperate Unemployed graduate begs for job by holding up placard in Lekki


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A lady was spotted Saturday afternoon in Lekki, Lagos, seeking employment by holding up a cardboard on which she wrote her credentials.

Perhaps tired of visiting offices on weekdays, the unemployed computer studies graduate took to the streets today, Saturday, May 21st, advertising herself to potential employers, and hoping that someone would see her there and offer her a job.

The story was originally shared on Twitter by user @Jtownlad14 who posted the photo of the unemployed young lady who claims to have graduated with a Second Class Upper – Bachelor of Science in Computer Studies and took to the streets of Lekki Phase 1 in Lagos to look for a job.
“Just saw this girl in lekki1. If anyone can assist her it would be great,” he tweeted.
It appears that more graduates are taking matters into their hands, as this occurrence comes on the back of a similar incident that took place in Portharcourt last week, where, a mother of two who had a Ph.D in Education Psychology took to the streets with a placard and sought employers who could offer her a teaching, lecturing or counseling job.
Similarly, the story was widely reported of how a desperate unemployed Nigerian UK-based job seeker got his dream job after standing at a train station with cardboard sign pleading for work in 2015.
You know what they say; when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, right?
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Source: Pulse.ng

Employment opportunities in Lagos: Domestic staff, nannies, drivers, cleaners wanted


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Our company, Delivery Day Nigeria Limited (www.deliverydayng.com ) is a frontline provider of housekeeping and chauffeuring (driving) services in Nigeria, with its headquarters in Lagos. We are excited about hiring talented individuals who are interested in having a regular flow of income and are currently working or have worked as domestic staff (‘househelp’/’housemaids’ as they are locally called), nannies, cleaners and drivers within Lagos.
If you are interested in joining our team of care providers, or know anyone who might be enthusiastic about the prospect of working for a corporate organization that provides these services, kindly refer them to us.
Interested candidates must not be younger than 18-year-old at the time of applying for any of these job opportunities, and should have a minimum of Senior Secondary School Leaving Certificate. Kindly send your updated CVs (if any) to careers@deliverydayng.com. Alternatively, you can email us a short profile of you, with your phone number and contact address.
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Twitter @Ikemsam

See This Tremendously Nigerian Igbo Guy is so Talented!


See this guy all he need is Surport!
See this Talented guy!
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Nigerians are really talented but all we need is Surport only!!!
See the Creative Nigerian Igbo young guy who Invented the water powered generator and a machine that turns Waste into #Fuel, #Diesel and #Kerosene! What more do we need Nigerians?

Man quits high-profile job to have sex change


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A former ITV newsreader has told how she quit
her dream job to have a sex-change operation
and become a woman. India Willoughby, (right)
born male, completed her transformation last
month at an NHS clinic, reports the Sunday

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People.
But for years she was married TV newsreader
and dad-of-one Jonathan Willoughby. India, 50,
wanted to come clean to viewers and colleagues
but was frightened of a possible backlash.
India said: “There were many occasions towards
the end of my time at ITV that I thought, ‘I just
can’t carry on going in as Jonathan’.
“I used to dream of going in one day and
just carrying on my career as the real me,
as India. Then I would realise it just wasn’t
possible.
“I remember in our newsroom when
transsexual people featured in the news
and it was considered a joke. Guys would
gather around having a laugh.
“To my shame, I would join in because I
had a fear that people could see through
the act I was putting on. So I would be a
bit laddish to hide my true feelings.
“But inside I knew it was me I was
laughing at. The climate back then left me
in fear.”

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India was on the verge of suicide when she quit
broadcasting in February 2010 to embark on a
double life.
She was a glamorous female PR executive in
Newcastle on weekdays, before driving 60 miles
home to Carlisle at weekends, where she would
resume the role of Jonathan.

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She recalled: “The pressure built up because I
felt that if the truth came out I was going to lose
everything, career, family and friends.
“I’d always known I was in the wrong body.
I tried to resist it but it became
exhausting. “It would have been easier if I
had had a less high-profile job than being
the person who pops up every tea time on
TV.
India’s visit to her GP led to her starting a secret
two-year sex change procedure.
In July she summoned up the courage to break
the news to her son and to her joy he accepted
her.
And then last month she took the final step by
undergoing gender reassignment surgery at an
NHS clinic in Brighton.

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India said:“When I woke up I felt fantastic.
“The climate has changed and I’d like to
get back

Posted from Ikem Daniel Blog