Tag Archives: Agape Love

My love life story: (Title): Is too late to Love me now


I really want to ask this,

Is it bad to be in a (relationship)? Or is it bad to have one (lover) in life?.

If your answer is (NO) then why is my own love life different?.

Dose it mean that am not suppose to love? Or i don’t need love life in my life?

Maybe i should start double dating!?..

Because each young lady i date (cheat) on me, and once i feel cheated and complain they leave me because of no reason.

And now the young lady i so much loved back in the days who breaks up with me and left me (Beyond Repair) then i was helpless.

Now she came back this time and told me that she really want and need me badly. So should i sing this song for her?…

Title: Is Too Late To Love Me Now

Is too late, you say you want me and is too late, once my love for you was so great, is too late to love me now.

Is too bad, you say you need me and is too bad, i know the feelings it is so sad, is too late to love me now.

Don’t you know how hard i try to hold on just for you, loving you from memory day by day.

Then someone came and took my life, turn my dreams around, she taking all your loving through away.

Is too late, say you love me, and is too late, once my love for you is so great, is too late to love me now.

Don’t you know how hard i try to hold on just for you, loving you from memory day by day.

Then someone came and took my life turn my world around she taking all your loving through away.

Is too late, you say you need me and is too late, once my love for you is so great, is too late to love me now…

My Appeal To You All

_____________________________

Please i need your help this time because am helpless again..

Please if you love me say something and if you don’t love me please also say something Thanks:.

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5 Grown Up Ways To Deal With Your Emotionally Immature Boyfriend


Here’s the scenario : You vacuumed, paid your bills online, put in a load of laundry, made lunch and ran out the door to pick up his sister’s birthday cake, while your boyfriend sat on the couch looking at cars online. As you drove to the bakery, you listed all the times he’s let you down and been too self-absorbed to notice you need some help. You wonder why the man you love just can’t “man up.”

According to Gary Cross , you’re not alone. Man-boys are a historical phenomenon specific to modern 21st century culture. Many men prolong their youthful emphasis on self by staying in school longer and postponing marriage and parenthood. When they enter the labor market, they only have access to low-paying jobs and temporary work. This means that they delay financial and emotional independence, and they live in temporary situations and in temporary relationships much longer than men of earlier generations.

Since they’re everywhere, you need some tips to deal with man-boys — if you choose to keep them around at all.

1. Be Independent

When you do your own thing, you provide an excellent model for how he can get his own stuff done.

2. Don’t Be His Mom

If you’re a “rescuer,” this is probably a big challenge. Don’t get his sister’s birthday cake. Let him be accountable for whatever situation he creates. Accountability is an excellent teacher.

3. Stop Making Excuses

If you find yourself doing this, then you’re setting yourself up for being taken advantage of. You legitimize his behavior and override your own feelings that could alert you to long-term, problematic behavior. Listen to your intuition, not your mind.

4. Modify His Behavior In Small Steps

If you’re up for the challenge, you can try setting up the house so that he develops more helpful habits. For example, instead of asking him to put in a load of laundry and waiting for it to never happen, you can put the hamper at the top of the stairs and ask him simply to carry it down the stairs next time he is going that way. Put it right in front of the stairs so that he has to pick it up to get around it anyway. Keep your fingers crossed.

5. Be Real About Why You’re With This Guy

The bottom line is that a man-boy is a poor long-term partner. Eventually, even the most efficient ‘go-to’ girl will get tired of doing all the work. If you’re just there for the sex or the laughs, admit it to yourself and your friends. Don’t try to make your man-boy into a man-man by getting pregnant or marrying him. That won’t work.

Being with a man-boy is hard work. Getting angry won’t really change anything, because he doesn’t know how to meet your needs or how to respond to them, even when you tell him clearly what you need. If you decide to stay with your man-boy, do it because you choose this relationship now, just as it is. Stop waiting for him to grow up!

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

By Bligharrison

Here Is The Only One Vow That Can DESTROY Your Relationship


The phrase that’s sabotaging your intimate relationship.

Sometimes, in a moment of feeling abandoned, unseen, or treated unfairly by our partners, we protect ourselves with a silent vow: “Never again.”

“Never again will I let myself be hurt like this.”

“Never again will I allow myself to be so vulnerable.”

” Never again will I depend on you. “

Such vows may be fully conscious or barely at the edge of awareness.

We may not use the exact words “Never again” but whatever form the vow takes, we draw a line in the sand. We make a pact with ourselves but we don’t tell our partners . We may not realize the power of our decision until months or years later.

To be clear, I am not talking about relationships in which you are the recipient of destructive behavior such as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. In relationships like that, vowing “Never again” is a sign of health.

You need to make sure the abuse stops, either by the other person addressing their unhealthy patterns or by you leaving the relationship.

Rather, I am talking about relationships in which one or both partners cope with a disappointment or feeling of abandonment by mentally going away.

In my 25 years doing couples counseling, I have seen this many times. A couple enters therapy with one or both partners checked out. Fights go unresolved. Passion has left the relationship. They turn away from each other. They are no longer a team.

Of course, many things can cause partners to turn away from each other. But sometimes as we explore the relationship in counseling, one partner, at first hesitantly then perhaps tearfully, will bring up an event from years ago.

“Eight years ago my doctor thought I might have cancer ,” one person recalls. “I was so afraid for weeks as they did test after test. But you seemed preoccupied with work.”

Another remembers, “My parents died within three months of each other. I felt so alone. But you seemed too busy to comfort me.”

A couple has a second child and the husband seems distant, not sharing the joy or the work, unlike he did with the firstborn. His wife feels confused and abandoned.

A woman has a miscarriage but her partner doesn’t want to talk about it, telling her it’s better to move on. She feels alone in her grief.

One partner’s job is suddenly in jeopardy. He wants support and encouragement but his partner seems critical and worried about money. He feels that nobody has his back.

Such events can trigger deep attachment wounds. We feel alone, misunderstood, and afraid. We wonder: “Why aren’t you there for me? Can I depend on you? Do you really love me?”

We begin to view our partners differently. We trust less. We notice the times they aren’t there for us more than the times they are.

Sometimes we try to communicate our feelings to our partners. But maybe they don’t understand or can’t hear us, so we give up. Other times, not a word is said. We hedge our bets, becoming less invested in the relationship .

Often, in counseling when a partner communicates the pain from a long-ago hurt, we discover that the other partner had little or no idea about the extent of the wound.

The first step to turning around a “Never again” vow is to communicate with your partner. Explain what happened, what you felt, and what you decided.

This may be difficult. If you armored yourself after being hurt, opening up may lead you to feel vulnerable. But “Never again” vows can undermine the foundation of your relationship. The fallout from such attachment wounds generally doesn’t just go away or get better on its own.

If you are telling your partner about a wound that changed how you view the relationship , share as openly as you can. Your partner may initially seem surprised or even defensive, but let your partner know that you are speaking up to try to improve the relationship, not to make it worse.

Also, leave an opening for your partner to talk about what was going on in his or her life at the time.

If your partner is the one telling you about a past incident that hurt them, recognize how hard it may be for them to bring it up. If you notice yourself getting defensive, say that, and then try to remain open. Their speaking up can be seen as an effort to improve the relationship, not as an attack on you.

Honest communication can bring life back to your relationship. If needed, seek the help of a qualified therapist .

Communicating can reset your view of your partner, which may have become negatively biased over time. Exploring what happened can offer lessons on what each of you can do better next time. Healing can soften a “Never again” and open the door to “Let’s try.”

By Fugitive

The Real Ten Commandments on Relationships


Learn what it takes to create powerful and intimate relationships. Build connection and community.

I believe we’ve lost touch on the value of our relationships . People seem to spend more time and money on their hair, toys, and possessions than they do on their relationships. I’m not sure when we crossed over into the land of disconnect but it saddens me that we’ve become a society obsessed with instant gratification, magical solutions, constant stimulation, ten second attention spans, and never ending to-do lists. Our need to get more, do more, and have more, has outweighed our basic human need for connection, centeredness, and cooperation. We have lost touch with the value of connection and the art of relationship building and the time has come to wake up and get our lives back in balance.

My work has been dedicated to helping others learn how to create authentic and intimate relationships. It is through our relationships that we heal, transform, and thrive. In fact, it is only within the context of our relationships that we are able to exist. My request is that you take the time to examine your relationships this week. Put time and energy toward the people you relate to on a daily or weekly basis. Be willing to invest yourself and your resources into nurturing your relationships.

To assist you with this quest, I have put together Ten Commandments on Relationships. No, I didn’t get them from atop a mountain or from a burning bush. They are part of The Pathway to Love Model and they provide a context from which to begin a paradigm shift. It’s my attempt to swing the pendulum back to a position where we can heal as a community. So here it goes…

See your relationships as your most powerful teachers. No matter how good or bad your relationships are with the people in your life, there is always more to learn. Never get complacent and never think you know or have it all. Life will humble you if you do. Spend time everyday nurturing your most important relationships. Quality is what counts, not quantity. Don’t get lazy. If you forget to eat, drink, or maintain your personal health, you will eventually wither and die. The same goes for your relationships. They require daily attention and care. Don’t expect instant gratification, magic, or constant affirmation from your relationships. Relationships have a life cycle just like human beings. Just like you don’t feel and perform a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time, nor will your relationships. Give them a break and appreciate the long-term view. Remember, we are interdependent beings. You need others and others need you. We will not thrive as a species if we live in the ‘survival of the fittest’ game. Pay it back, forward, and sideways. Give freely and without expectations. If we all do this, we all win. Develop the skills you need in order to create healthy relationships . While we are hard wired to develop language, we are not hard wired to automatically know how to manage our emotions and communicate effectively. You took the time to learn how to write, do arithmetic, and acquire a trade. Put in at least the same amount of time, attention, money, and effort in learning how to do relationships. Read books, find role models, get coaching, counseling, or therapy. Either way, get educated. Don’t expect perfection—from yourself and from others. You are human. You will always be a work in progress. Be willing to admit your mistakes and learn from them. Be willing to forgive others for theirs. Tell people what you want and need. Don’t expect anyone to be a mind reader. Learn how to communicate in a way that is clear, direct, and kind. Everyone has their own perspective on things. Don’t expect everyone to agree with yours. Be willing to accept others’ perspectives as being true for them. Being human means you will feel happy, sad, hurt, scared, lonely, angry, excited, content, bored, etc. Emotions flow along with the changing circumstances of your life. Get comfortable with all your emotions. When you do, you will not feel compelled to find ways to deny, repress, suppress, mask, and project them onto others. I promise, no one ever died from having an emotion. They are what enable you to create intimate relationships with others. Your relationships are the most important assets you have in your life. Act accordingly.

The time has come for us to get back to each other and back to community. Take the time to learn how. I offer many ways from which to get started. Get ready to assess your relationship, transform your relationship at home, thrive with expert coaching.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I am committed to your success.

Remember, your best relationship starts here and now!

Be well.

By Bill

This is Why I Hate Chris Brown And His Jokes


I hate that people are still making jokes about Chris Brown and Rihanna. I hate that I have to pretend to laugh at them and I hate that I don’t have the balls to slap them and tell them to shut the fuck up. Whenever I hear an ignorant joke or comment about the couple, I hate that I can’t tell them my story and make them understand what they are joking about.

I first met Tom when I was 15. I was young and stupid, and thought that it was love at first sight. I had a boyfriend at the time, but Tom and I texted each other innocently until I eventually broke up with my boyfriend. A few months later, Tom asked me to be his girlfriend and I was the happiest girl in the world.

The first two weeks of our relationship were a whirlwind. I had never felt so loved, so wanted, so needed. We shared all of our deepest secrets, he confided in me about his abusive mother and I told him all of my hopes, dreams and insecurities. He thought I was perfect and I knew that we were in love. One night, he was driving me home and one of the speakers in his car stopped working. This was the first time he hit me, and the moment when I lost everything I knew about myself. At first he punched my arm and I thought he was just being playful, so I giggled until he hit me again and pushed my head into the side of his car. “Don’t fucking laugh at me. Fucking cunt.” I was in shock. I wasn’t even upset, I was just numb. I had never felt such violent hatred, let alone from somebody who was supposed to love me, somebody who I loved so deeply. We sat in silence for the rest of the drive until we were at my house — he kissed me goodbye and told me he’d see me soon.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I sat in bed repeating the moment over and over again. What had I done that made him so mad? He kissed me goodbye so he must not be mad anymore, right? I made hundreds of excuses for him. He had grown up with an abusive mother, so somehow I decided this made his actions justifiable. That day was the just the beginning of a horrifyingly abusive relationship. I spent every day for the next year trying to be whatever he wanted me to be. We could spend hours of happiness together until something flipped a switch in his head and he went from a beautiful, loving man to an angry, violent monster. I had no idea who I was anymore – my identity revolved around being Tom’s girlfriend.

Tom was both emotionally and physically abusive. He convinced me that I was disgusting, that nobody would ever love me and I was lucky that he would even look at me. He convinced me that my family hated me and since I believed this, it became true as I intentionally strained my relationship with them. He had another girlfriend, but somehow he convinced me that I was the most important and that she didn’t matter. He would make me stand in the bathroom with him while he showered because I was a “whore” and he couldn’t trust me to be alone with his friends. He forced me to prove my love to him through sex. If I didn’t, he would claim that I was cheating on him and would describe in detail how he would make me watch as he killed whoever I was sleeping with and then would kill me after. Throughout all of this, I wasn’t scared or sad, I was completely numb. My emotions didn’t matter anymore all that mattered was making Tom happy. When Tom was happy, he loved me and when Tom loved me, I was happy.

One day, I was with Tom, his friend, my sister, and my best friend. Tom wanted me to go upstairs and grab him a glass of water. He was in a good mood so I laughed and said no way get it yourself. I saw the switch, something that I had become so accustomed to but that nobody else recognized. He held me down in front of everybody and dick slapped me on my face. My sister and my best friend watched and did NOTHING. Looking back, I’m sure they thought it was a joke, but I was humiliated and disgusted. This moment solidified the fact that my family/friends didn’t care about me and that I was on my own — except for Tom.

I convinced myself that I couldn’t break up with him because I was scared for my physical safety, but this was the least of my worries. I had been told so many times that I was a worthless piece of shit from somebody that I cared so deeply about that I truly believed it and I truly believed that he was the only person in the world who would ever care about me.

When I finally decided to break up with him, we had been at his friend’s apartment and he had just gotten off the phone with his other girlfriend. I told him that I was leaving and that I couldn’t do this anymore. Again, I saw the switch turn and he became the monster again. He slapped me, grabbed my hair, dragged me out in the living room and proceeded to beat me and rape me in front of five of his closest friends. Nobody even tried to stop him. At this point, I had fully accepted and welcomed the thought of dying. I thought that he was going to kill me in that living room and I was looking forward to it. Instead, he pulled me up and drove me home. I wish I had been brave enough to tell somebody and to go to the police, but at the time, I fully believed that this was my fault and was too humiliated to tell anybody.

After we broke up, he called and texted me every single day for four months. It was a constant reminder of what had happened to me. The messages ranged from telling me how much he loved and missed me, to calling me the disgusting whore that he had always known I was, to threatening to kill me. Eventually I made up an excuse to tell my parents why I wanted to change my number, but he found it less than a month later.

I began to hate my family and my friends for not helping me through this. Even though I had never told them, I blamed them for not realizing that something was wrong. I hated everything – especially myself. Every time I would look in the mirror I would either cry or become infuriated with how disgusting I was. I couldn’t be alone in a room with a man for almost six months. The first time I had sex with somebody after the incident, I had a complete emotional breakdown and almost killed myself. I decided to move because I couldn’t go anywhere without being terrified that I would run into him or his friends.

It’s been six years and I still have nightmares about him every night. I still hate cuddling because sometimes the thought of somebody touching me literally makes me want to vomit. I haven’t been able to have a normal relationship because I’m incapable of explaining what I have been through. How can I explain to a boyfriend that sometimes when we have sex, I feel like I’m being raped all over again? That I can’t sleep in the same bed as him because I wake up horrified from my nightmares? That I can’t fight with him because if he starts to yell I revert to the numb, speechless girl that I was with Tom?

So no, Chris Brown jokes don’t make me mad. The jokes make me so sad because people don’t even realize what they are joking about. They have no idea how one violent moment can change you from a happy, loving teenager to an empty shell of a human. It took a wonderful friend to hold my hand and help me recover from this relationship. I honestly believe that I owe him my life. I have only told this story to four people – and even when I do I can’t make the right words come out of my mouth to make them fully comprehend what I went through.

If I hadn’t heard so many jokes about abuse and hadn’t heard so many people ask “well what did she do to deserve it?”, I like to think that I could have come forward with my story a long time ago. Tom is now in prison for almost killing another girl. I blame myself everyday for not putting him in prison sooner. I could have saved this girl the pain and horror, but I was a coward. I’m thrilled that conversations about rape have begun to turn away from victim blaming, but now it’s time to do the same with abuse. Please, no more Chris Brown jokes.

By Nanette Oiboh

When You’re Caught Somewhere Between Hooking Up And Real Relationships


For the first time in over four years, I’ve been talking to a guy. We’ll call him Bob . And even though it’s only been a couple of months, for a girl that routinely proclaims herself as the founder of the Netflix Celibacy Club, these seems like a feat.

Recently, I flew from my home in North Carolina to visit Bob in New York for the weekend. A romantic city, a budding relationship, a perfectly timed winter storm which turned the weekend into a week – it was the stuff movies are made of. When I finally arrived back home, I was blissfully planning the names of our future three children.

That’s when things went awry.

We had been feverishly talking (a.k.a. texting like true millennials) in the weeks leading up to my trip but all of a sudden, I had nothing to say. Apparently Bob didn’t either. There were a few meager conversations about work, family, and plans for “next time” but it lacked the luster of the distance-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder variety. Texts turned into a series of emoji’s; each less creative than the last. Hours stretched into days. Finally, I realized that my modern romance had officially fizzled.

We had talked for hours, we had amazing sex, we cared about the same things – what went wrong? As I found myself obsessing over the details of our brief foray into romance, I realized that while I admired and enjoyed Bob’s company, it wasn’t losing him as a person that was so upsetting.

My true disappointment was in losing the story – our fantasy narrative – that I had conjured up in my imagination.

In my four years of self-imposed abstinence from relationships for fear of getting too serious or too close to someone who might hurt me, I had effectively closed myself off to any sort of emotion that could transition into a real type of attachment. Once I opened the doors to that possibility, I wasn’t ready for the flood of repressed emotion that spilled out.

As much as I cherish my independence, I also have hopes for a full, more traditional future. Someday, I want a household, a wild brood of children, and a partner by my side for the long haul. As conventional as it sounds, I’d like that house in the middle of the woods where I can continue to work and write but also proxy as a housewife who cooks a mean pot of chicken noodle soup when my loved one feels queasy. Typically, these are things I only think about when I’m feeling sentimental but, deep down, they are goals I strive for.

Let’s be clear – these are not my only ambitions. I have many other aspirations. I’d like to create a community of artists; I’d like to be a published author; I’d like to go on a cross-country motorcycle trip. These dreams of domestic bliss don’t overtake these other more modern goals. They accompany them; equally exciting yet still unfulfilled.

Now that things with Bob have drawn to a close and my initial flood of rose-colored romance has subsided, I’m able to see things a little more clearly. Here are my thoughts:

As much as I loathed admitting it to myself, I had been planning. And in my golden daydreams, I had conveniently plopped Bob in the middle of them. I saw dinner parties where we argued on who would tell “Our Story”. I saw an adorable house, made warm and cozy by my Pinterest-inspired housewife skills. I saw us having arguments followed by really hot sex to make up for them. I planned. And that was my mistake.

Not because it’s wrong to look forward, to have dreams, and to hope that a new flame erupts into the world’s next epic love story. But because it’s wrong to place those expectations on another person and assume they will be executed exactly as seen through your mind’s eye. That’s not fair to the person and certainly not fair to yourself.

I’m still a romantic. I look forward to those peaceful mornings and sultry nights. And when they do, I’m sure the reality will surpass my idle daydreams. But for now I need to be present. For my sake and for the sanity of any future significant other. When you find the “perfect” someone (Spoiler alert: There is never a perfect someone. You’re just two weird, wacky people that learn to love each other through your flaws), his life and mine will not magically envelop each other.

We’ll have to work out our dreams around the other’s life. But we will. We won’t sacrifice ourselves for a fairytale. We’ll find a way to fuse our lives together and achieve our goals. I’ll have to make compromises but I won’t be sacrificing myself and who I’ve worked so hard to become by fitting into an unrealistic fantasy of what I imagined life to be.

And you wanna know the best part? I won’t be daydreaming this life on my own. We’ll be building it together.

By Afriyie

5 Ways To Get To A Place Of Forgiveness — Even If It Seems Out of Reach


When we are hurt and angry forgiveness seems impossible. But forgiveness is important.

Did somebody do something to you that you simply can’t forgive?

Perhaps your sister embarrassed you AGAIN at a family gathering with something she said. Perhaps your husband chose your mother-in-law’s side in a discussion about where to spend Easter. Or a good friend forgot to invite you to her Cabi party.

And are you so angry, so hurt, that you just can’t get past it?

I am here to tell you that you can learn how to forgive . Holding a grudge is one of the worst things that you can do for your health . So don’t!

Here are the 5 ways to forgive even if it seems out of reach:

1. Recognize that everyone is human.

Everyone is doing the best that they can. Let me say that again. Everyone is doing the best that they can.

The person who you are today, right now, is the result of a lifetime of experiences, experiences that include how your mother loved you when you were a child and the way that taxi driver splashed you with a muddy puddle this morning.

It is a combination of those things that determine how you react to something the way you do. The same rules apply to other people .

You know that co-worker who is rude to you every morning when you come into the office? Who doesn’t greet you with a smile and small talk? Do you resent that person, think perhaps she is a bitch? Do you spend way too much time thinking about it during meetings?

That co-worker is just a person, doing the best that she can, and you have no idea what she is dealing with. Perhaps she has an autistic child who needs to be dropped off at the daycare in the morning and the process is devastating every time. Might that person not be able to greet you with a happy smile in the morning? Might that person be more in need of some compassion from you?

Don’t assume anything about anyone. We are all just doing the best that we can . We are human, after all.

2. Don’t take everything personally.

It is not all about you. Again, it is not all about you.

“What’s this?” you think. “Of course it’s all about me.”

When someone hurts you, I can guarantee that they almost never set out to hurt you. What they do might be insensitive but more often than not, hurting you is not the reason why someone does something.

When your husband sides with your mother-in-law about Easter Sunday, he is not doing it on purpose hurt you . He is doing it because he wants to please his mother or even perhaps because he genuinely believes her plan is the better one.

He does not do it because he has no respect for your opinions because he does. And he demonstrated this last week when he applauded your actions around a problem at work.

He did it for his own reasons, ones that have nothing to do with you .

Not taking everything as a personal affront is an excellent way to take steps towards forgiveness. Know that people do things for a variety of reasons and hurting you is rarely one of them.

3. Look to the future, not the past.

Do you want your present and your future to be based on the past ? Or do you want your future to be bright and full of possibilities?

If yes, stop looking to the past and look forward with an open heart.

I have a client whose husband left her a LONG time ago and she still can’t get past it. Everything that is wrong in her life, she blames on his leaving her . Everything.

In an effort to help her forgive her husband and move on, we’ve been working on her building a life for herself. She has found a great job and is under contract in a wonderful apartment. She is dating again and spending lots of time with her grandchildren. For the first time in years, she is happy.

The more she focuses on her present and her future, the less time she spends obsessing about the past and all of her perceived losses. Because that’s what her losses are — perceived. She has no idea how her life might have been if her husband had stayed with her. What she does know is how amazing her life is now.

And that is what counts.

4. Take responsibility.

This is a hard one — to take responsibility for our role in a perceived hurt . But it’s a very important one.

We all play a role in every interaction we have. And, like it or not, our role is as relevant to the outcome as much as the other person’s.

In the case of my client who was irate for not being invited to her friend’s Cabi party, I asked her to take a good look at why she thought she might not have been invited.

At first, she said that she had no idea, that her friend was just a loser. But then, after some reflection, she realized that she hadn’t really enjoyed the last Cabi party and that she might have expressed those feelings to a few of their friends.

Perhaps her friend hadn’t invited her for just that reason? Not because she was a loser and wanted to hurt her friend but maybe because she knew her friend didn’t enjoy the parties and wanted her not to feel compelled to attend?

Hm, that changes things a bit, doesn’t it?

5. Be honest and let it go.

You know when you stay up all night, playing and replaying something that your sister said to you on the phone? How it was just like something that she has said to you your entire lives? How it drives you crazy every time?

Have you ever told her that it drives you crazy every time? Perhaps now is the time.

Being honest with someone about something they are doing that hurts you is important. And it’s important to do so in an honest, nonpassive-aggressive way.

It’s entirely possible that your sister doesn’t know how she repeatedly upsets you. If you tell her you are giving her an opportunity to change or explain her behavior. And if you understand the reasons behind her behaviors you can accept them and let them go.

Because who wants to stay up all night ruminating about their sister’s words and actions? Sleep is a precious thing that shouldn’t be squandered needlessly.

So let it go. Get some sleep. Be happy.

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” So said Alexander Pope in the early 1700s. He knew even back then the virtue found in forgiveness. He knew that we were all doing the best that we can and to forgive is to find God.

So practice forgiveness. Cut those who upset you some slack, accept responsibility for your share of the blame, let go of the past and make yourself a bright future.

Because that’s what we want. No matter how dark our past, we want our future to be bright. And with forgiveness, it can be.

By Nellie