Tag Archives: Idea

5 Grown Up Ways To Deal With Your Emotionally Immature Boyfriend

Here’s the scenario : You vacuumed, paid your bills online, put in a load of laundry, made lunch and ran out the door to pick up his sister’s birthday cake, while your boyfriend sat on the couch looking at cars online. As you drove to the bakery, you listed all the times he’s let you down and been too self-absorbed to notice you need some help. You wonder why the man you love just can’t “man up.”

According to Gary Cross , you’re not alone. Man-boys are a historical phenomenon specific to modern 21st century culture. Many men prolong their youthful emphasis on self by staying in school longer and postponing marriage and parenthood. When they enter the labor market, they only have access to low-paying jobs and temporary work. This means that they delay financial and emotional independence, and they live in temporary situations and in temporary relationships much longer than men of earlier generations.

Since they’re everywhere, you need some tips to deal with man-boys — if you choose to keep them around at all.

1. Be Independent

When you do your own thing, you provide an excellent model for how he can get his own stuff done.

2. Don’t Be His Mom

If you’re a “rescuer,” this is probably a big challenge. Don’t get his sister’s birthday cake. Let him be accountable for whatever situation he creates. Accountability is an excellent teacher.

3. Stop Making Excuses

If you find yourself doing this, then you’re setting yourself up for being taken advantage of. You legitimize his behavior and override your own feelings that could alert you to long-term, problematic behavior. Listen to your intuition, not your mind.

4. Modify His Behavior In Small Steps

If you’re up for the challenge, you can try setting up the house so that he develops more helpful habits. For example, instead of asking him to put in a load of laundry and waiting for it to never happen, you can put the hamper at the top of the stairs and ask him simply to carry it down the stairs next time he is going that way. Put it right in front of the stairs so that he has to pick it up to get around it anyway. Keep your fingers crossed.

5. Be Real About Why You’re With This Guy

The bottom line is that a man-boy is a poor long-term partner. Eventually, even the most efficient ‘go-to’ girl will get tired of doing all the work. If you’re just there for the sex or the laughs, admit it to yourself and your friends. Don’t try to make your man-boy into a man-man by getting pregnant or marrying him. That won’t work.

Being with a man-boy is hard work. Getting angry won’t really change anything, because he doesn’t know how to meet your needs or how to respond to them, even when you tell him clearly what you need. If you decide to stay with your man-boy, do it because you choose this relationship now, just as it is. Stop waiting for him to grow up!

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

By Bligharrison


Here is How You Feels To Be Told You’re Only Missed Because You’re Very Good In Bed

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Breaking up sucks. It’s genuinely one of the world’s worst feelings because it is rejection at in one of its purest forms (well, most of the time). In every break up that I have had, I always find myself wanting something more, wanting one last statement that is somewhere along the lines of, “I love you, but this just can’t work” or “I’m gonna miss the hell out of you.”

Obviously, that never happens. It always sort of dissolves unromantically with either a slough of cursing insults or with a box of stuff, the slam of a car door and so many words still unspoken.

There are also times when it sort of turns into limbo.

We all have that one ex who is just so determined to stay friends after that they still offer to buy you coffee and see you everyday to try and keep some piece of that relationship-comfort-zone that we get into. He is the one that is particularly dangerous because he’s the one who tests your independence and makes you wonder if you’ll ever move on. Or if you even have to.

Well, after a nice long “friend date” with my most recent ex, I decided to do something a little bold. I decided to ask him if he was sad that the relationship was over. I needed some answers. He said no, that he was perfectly content with the decision that we [he] had made. Blow one . I then asked him if there was anything he’d miss about our long and comfortable relationship…

He proceeded to say, “Yeah, but it’s not important.”

Being the overly curious, romantic that I am, I BEGGED him to tell me what it was.

“You’re really good in bed.”

Blow Two.

Um, what?

I was shocked, stunned, and hurt.

I had given my heart and soul to this man, and all he would miss was my sexual prowess.

He wouldn’t miss the home-cooked pizzas we made together.

He wouldn’t miss date nights to our favorite downtown watering holes.

He wouldn’t miss holidays with my family.

He wouldn’t miss the way I kissed his forehead when he was doing his homework.

He wouldn’t miss the mini-adventures we’d take at the most irregular times.

He wouldn’t miss my academic advising help in which I spent hours helping him redo his academic plan after failing YET ANOTHER class.

He wouldn’t miss any of that.

Instead, he’d miss my body and the nights we spent in the dark. The time we spent not looking at each other because we were too entrenched in the act of pleasure.

He would miss having someone there for his needs as a man. A deed any woman could do.

That was when it hit me that he wouldn’t miss ME at all. He’d miss the convenience and the comfort of having a woman. He wasn’t even concerned about me, so this whole “let’s be friends” bullshit was more degradation than validation. It’s the shoebox under the bed you hide the things you only use every-so-often. You ask to stay friends so that you are still in that person’s good graces in case there is something that you need in the future.

And to that I say no. Hell no to your “friendship.”

That is absolutely no way to treat a woman, especially one that has graced you with her time and energy. I refuse to be put on a shelf for safe keeping only to be put there for her appeal.

No woman should ever feel so objectified by a man who once said they cherished her.

Lesson to the man whose only interest is sex and only acts in the interest of that interest. Women are far fiercer than the eye can see.

By Ikemsamuel

Man Here Is The Serious 21 Types Of Girls You Should Date

There’s been this weird trend where suddenly the internet is telling men (and women) what kind of girls they should date. Date a girl who travels. Date a girl who dances. Date a girl who cooks. I could go on. Although I am rather partial to this last one (I seriously love to cook), I find it odd how we need to read random articles on the internet to determine what kind of people we should date. You don’t necessarily need a girl who travels or dances or reads. Well actually, I would hope she reads. But anyways, dating a girl is not always about what she does, but also what she doesn’t do:

Date a Girl Who Isn’t a Whore. This one sounds foolproof, but you’d be surprised how many guys fuck this up.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Answer Texts with Hashtags . Does she think Twitter is secretly reading your conversation? #ontothenextone

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Hang Out with People She Hates . I never understood girls on this one. Why hang out with someone you don’t like, then call the person your ‘friend’?

Date a Girl That Doesn’t Drink and Drive . Unless you think DWI means ‘doesn’t withhold intercourse’.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Constantly Ask If She Looks Fat . An occasional ‘do I look fat?’ moment is okay. Changing her outfit 18 times and asking ‘do I look fat?’ after each outfit isn’t.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Nag All Day. Asking where you are is one thing. But if you tell her you’re going to the store for milk and she insists you’re at a strip club, abort that mission. Now.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Order Take Out Every Night. You want a girl that can fend for herself. And sometimes that means making a decent meal.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Talk Shit. If she’s talking shit to you about someone else, chances are she’s talked shit about you to someone.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Wait Around. A girl who is constantly growing and progressing will keep things interesting to say the least. Realize that a life partner will keep you on your toes and will put pressure on you to be the best you can be.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Preach All Day About Feminism. It’s not that I’m not a feminist. I definitely think men and women should be able to compete together on an equal playing field. It’s just I have this feeling that girls who preach all day about women’s rights might have some insecurities that run on a more personal level. A secure woman knows her worth and doesn’t rely on an ideology to tell her what she can and can’t do.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Use Buzzfeed To Catch Up on Current Events. Because Buzzfeed is oh so accurate.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Flake. This applies to both bailing on events and whether or not she uses Head and Shoulders.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Hide Her Emotions . This one is tricky. You don’t want a walking waterfall for a girlfriend. But you also don’t want a girl who constantly purses her lip and acts all passive aggressive on you, chanting ‘it’s fine’ like it’s her national anthem. Cliché I know, but date a girl who means what she says and says what she means.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Cringe At the Idea of Guys’ Night . Does she not realize this gives her license to also have a girls’ night?

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Pick Her Nose In Front of You . Because that’s fucking gross.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Eat Pizza with a Fork and Knife. Now that is one uptight bitch.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Watch Reality TV all day. You’ll grow to resent her when it’s playoffs season.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Think ‘A Farewell to Arms’ Is a New Diet Book. Through the words of Drake, I always like my women book and street smart.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Disrespect Her Body. I’m not saying your girl needs to be rail thin or the next Crossfit champion. But ultimately, a girl who loves and respects herself is going to take care of herself. That means eating right, exercising, and carving out some time for her and only her.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Ask Why There’s Isn’t A ‘You are Here’ Icon on a Portable Map. If you don’t get this one, you guys deserve each other.

Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Hate You. You’d be surprised how many guys repeatedly go after girls that clearly don’t like them back or aren’t interested. I’m no scientist, but I hypothesize there’s a greater chance of finding love if you ask someone out who finds you attractive and interesting to begin with.

By Jp

This is exactly 5 things women really want men to do in bed


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Your sex life might be good, but there always a few things that could make it better.

Guys read below for the truth about what women really want in bed.

1. Whisper in their ears

When we’re getting our sexy on, we obviously want to feel sexy and when you whisper in our ear how sexy we are, it really gets us going. Tell us why you enjoy being with us and I guarantee we’ll reciprocate your efforts.

2. Tell us why you think we’re beautiful

Every girl wants to feel beautiful. But it’s not just enough to tell us that we are beautiful. Yes, we love that you think we have a “sexy ass” and “amazing tits,” but while you’re under those sheets, we would also like to be reminded of our beautiful smile and our amazing eyes.

3. Ask us what we like

Every single girl has been with at least one guy who was going at it while saying things like, “You like that? Oh yeah baby, you like that!” Um, if you’re telling us that we like it, chances are you didn’t even bother to ask us. So ask and when you ask us, we want you to really ask us. Don’t make the act of asking a rhetorical ego booster that makes you feel like you’re “doing us right.”

4. Lots of foreplay

We want and need foreplay to get us ready for the grand finale. We know you’re excited but give us a little time to get there as well. Not to mention that not only does foreplay feel good, but knowing that you’re focused on making our entire body tingle will make us want to return the favor.

5. We both finish

If you’re going to cum and then flop down beside us before we finish, we didn’t really need to be there because they make blow-up dolls for that. This sex thing, it takes two people, so make sure both of those people reap the rewards of their participation.

By Ikem Samuel

12 Things You Need To Know Before You Date The Girl Who Worries Too Much

1. She’s not necessarily insecure. Worrying about whether or not she’s loved isn’t always a product of low self-esteem, it’s also what happens when you acknowledge the reality that love does not always last, and often unexpectedly so.

2. She wants a real relationship, whatever “real” means to her. She’s not here to skirt around the corners or “hangout” or just half ass it, and if we’re being really honest, who is? Either commit or let her find someone else who will.

3. Saying “stop worrying!” is not only pointless, it’s damaging. This is a little something called emotional invalidation, and to have a healthy relationship, you have to be able to acknowledge how your partner feels, even if you don’t “agree” with it.

4. Jokes that are mean aren’t funny, they’re just mean. Someone who worries a lot isn’t going to take kindly to people who don’t have enough decency to realize that just because *they* find something hilarious doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t find it hurtful.

5. If you want to help her feel less stressed, compliment her strengths. Worrying is a function of fearing you won’t be able to handle something if it arises. The best way to get rid of it is either to ignore it when it’s irrational, or counter it by pointing out how capable and intelligent she really is.

6. She’s probably smarter than you realize. IQ is generally linked to a higher propensity to worry, as people who are more conscious of realities or potential outcomes would, naturally, have more reason to worry about them.

7. Laugh about the little things. Nothing will make a girl who worries fall in love more than someone who can laugh when the little things go wrong. It’s important to let her know that not being perfect doesn’t make her unloved.

8. She probably sees her imperfections as strikes against her, rather than characteristics. Remind her that the things she most worries about are likely the very ones that make her exactly who she is, and exactly why you care about her.

9. Be a grown ass person about your dating life together. If you want to take her out, explicitly ask her to do so. Let her know where she stands. Be honest, be straightforward, be considerate. This should always be the case, but especially with someone who is prone to overthinking.

10. She worries because she cares. She cares so damn much. She cares that you’re happy, she cares that your relationship works out, she cares that her life turns out the way she hopes it will. She worries because she wants to protect the things she loves, and if you’re lucky, you’ll be one of them.

11. Reaffirm that she’s likely doing better than she thinks she is. She’s probably pretty motivated (people who worry a lot often come up with just as many solutions, ideas and dreams for themselves) so remind her that it’s all normal, and that everything will be okay because it always is.

12. Being sensitive is a beautiful thing. In fact, the best people to date are the ones who care enough to worry, and who are sensitive enough to over-think a little, and who actually want to take their lives seriously. You may think you prefer the “chill” girl, but when it comes to actually giving a shit about your lives together, the girl who will worry is the one you want to be with.

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here .

By Yirenkyi Daniel

12 Things Men Do That Make Women Fall Deeper in Love

Men — we love them. Like really, really love them. We can’t live without them and we certainly don’t want to. We enjoy all of the little things they do that make them so much hotter. Here are 12 things men do that women really adore.

1. Planning is amazing.

When a man plans, it’s almost as exciting as him proposing. Whether he organizes a date, a weekend trip, an afternoon walk — really, anything — we’re happy. It shows us that you’re capable of putting effort into us and you like it. Actually, you really, really like it.

2. Being a great listener.

Showing a woman that you’re a great listener is oh, so incredible. Remembering things that we mentioned we like is so cool. Whether it’s flowers, a book, chocolates or jewelry, if you surprise us with it, we feel really special!

3. Show us some vulnerability.

It’s extraordinary when a man can openly and honestly talk about his feelings with you. When he’s comfortable doing so, it’s great. It’s so great it’s like winning the emotional lottery.

4. Please us in the bedroom.

When a man can make it happen for you, how elated are you? It’s so exciting it’s almost like winning a tournament. A man who wants to pleasure you, so you really enjoy yourself, well, now that’s how I define a good man. He gets an extra applause if it’s from something he doesn’t ordinarily like doing.

5. Cook for us.

When a man knows his way around the kitchen and is capable and confident, it’s so cute. I’m a sucker for the look on his face when he means business with those vegetables. Cooking takes patience and shows us that you’re cherish-worthy.

6. Let’s go shopping.

Let’s face it, sports are a popular hobby for most men. Well, shopping is a favorite pastime of many women. Shopping is to women what sports is to men. Shopping may not be good for women’s wallets (or their man’s!), and it certainly isn’t cardio, but it absolutely is fun. When a man can shop with you and give his opinion, he’s golden.

7. It’s okay to be nerdy.

Am I the only woman who not so secretly thinks it’s really endearing when a man is curled up on his couch with his book? When he gets all geeked out and excited about something he’s reading and he’s not ashamed of it, it’s pretty adorable.

8. Compromise is key.

How many times has your man done something he doesn’t want to because you asked him to? When a man does something for us that he wouldn’t ordinarily want to do, it makes our hearts melt. Being sweet and thoughtful always goes a long way. We so appreciate you doing something you’re not eager to do.

9. Get all sporty.

It’s nice to see men fired up and passionate about sports. In fact, it’s oddly exciting. When you’re roaring at the TV and getting all riled up — it’s almost erotic. When your eyes light up, you become quite desirable.

10. Kiss and caress us.

Being affectionate and sweet to us goes a long way. When you’re sweet to us — whether you put your arm around us when we’re not expecting it, hold our hand just because, or give us an excited kiss for no reason — our hearts skip a beat.

11. Love our family.

Some people (me included!) have an unusual family. But, your family is your family and so you love them a lot. When your man gets in close with your family and makes all family members love him, he’s extra fabulous.

12. It’s okay to be dominating.

Dominating us makes us sizzle in all the right places. Every woman wants a little Fifty Shades of Grey in her life. There’s a time and a place to make love, and there’s a time and a place to be more aggressive. When you know the difference, you make us swoon

By High Sparrow

10 Strange but Real Things That Happen to Us When We Fall in Love

Being in love often inspires people. Scientists have studied the reasons why our behavior changes so drastically when we are in love. They connect this behavior change with the different “love hormones,” like dopamine and oxytocin, that have an influence over our emotions. But does this feeling really make you drunk just like wine and can it be a cure for pain?

We decided to check out how scientists explain popular stereotypes about crazy things that people do when they’re in love. These signals and real feelings can help you understand what’s going on in your head when you are in love.

10. People in love act like they are drunk.

After a few glasses of wine it becomes easier to communicate, even with people we hardly know, we become more gullible, and fear and anxiety disappear. Oxytocin, one of the “love” hormones, influences the body in exactly the same way as alcohol does. Have you ever noticed that drunk people want to hug everyone around them? Oxytocin is also called the “hug hormone” because it makes us want to be physically close to other people.

9. People in love gain weight or lose it.

There is a popular expression in psychology called “love pounds.” Many couples gain weight at the beginning of a relationship. Maybe, it’s because we are trying to overcompensate for the energy that our body uses, or maybe it’s because we go to cafes and restaurants twice as often.

By the way, scientists have found out that couples that gained weight together were more satisfied with their relationships. Researchers think that this is because partners feel less pressure and fear of being rejected because of their appearance.

However, not all couples gain weight. American studies of oxytocin that is produced in people who are in love showed that it reduces hunger and regulates metabolism. So, butterflies in the stomach might also indicate that you are losing weight.

8. Their voice changes.

American scientists conducted an unusual study. They asked people who had recently started a romantic relationship to make several phone calls. Other participants listened to their voices and could easily tell if they were talking to a friend or to their date.

During the conversations with their boyfriends and girlfriends, women’s voices became lower, and men’s voices became higher. Scientists think that this is because partners want to be like each other.

7. Being in love is like an obsession or an addiction.

Think about a time when you were in love. You probably kept thinking about the person you were in love with, you wanted to spend as much time with them as possible, and your friends kept saying that you were obsessed.

Anthropologist Helen E. Fisher found out that when a person is in love, the same parts of the brain are active as when a person has a cocaine addiction. This is why we want to be with the people we have fallen in love with more and more and we feel down when we are not together.

6. People in love can’t fall asleep.

Many of us are accustomed to thinking that people in love spend sleepless nights thinking about their significant other. However, Swiss studies showed that, on average, a person who is in love sleeps one hour less at night. And none of the participants felt tired, so the quality of sleep wasn’t impaired.

5. The hearts of people in love jump out of their chests.

Sweating, accelerated heart rate, red face — these are obvious signs of anxiety. But in fact, the very beginning of the development of a romantic attraction, called limerence, is accompanied by the same symptoms. So if you feel that someone makes your face blush, you are probably in love.

4. People in love want to write poems and sing love songs.

So many beautiful poems have been written by people who are in love!

Dutch studies have shown that romantic feelings suppress analytical thinking but develop creative thinking. This is why we want to get really original gifts or surprises for someone we love, even if there is no good reason to do that.

3. Being in love is a cure for diseases.

Several studies have shown a connection between romantic feelings and pain perception. The participants of the experiment who were in love showed a weaker reaction to external factors. Moderate pain was reduced by 40% when people looked at photos of someone they loved, and more intense pain was reduced by 10-15%. Scientists explain this by noting the shift of the participant’s attention from their pain to their loved one.

Other researchers found that dopamine is produced faster when a person is in love and that acts as a natural painkiller. So, when doctors recommend doing something we love when we are sick, their suggestion actually can help.

2. Love is sweet.

Dutch scientists conducted an interesting study. Participants were asked to write an essay about their real experience: one group wrote about being in love, the second — about jealousy, and the third — about something neutral. After that, they tasted candy and water. The students who wrote about love estimated that the taste of the food was sweeter.

1. A person in love is ready to do anything.

Being in love not only means being sexually aroused, but also being ready to care about your partner. Research done in 2014 came up with the term “compassionate love” that is a very important part of a romantic relationship. If you are really worried about your partner forgetting a hat or an umbrella, you are in love.

Have you fallen in love? What crazy things have you done for someone you loved?

We’d love to hear your views on this…

By Quizpert