Tag Archives: Relationship

7 Honest Pieces Of Marriage And Parenting Advice That Aren’t The Least Bit Sugarcoated


Producer’s note: Someone on Quora asked: What is the best marriage advice you would give? Here is one of the best answers that’s been pulled from the thread.

As someone who’s been through a divorce and is getting married again, I can confidently offer this:

Love isn’t enough. Marry the person who brings out your best and will stand beside you at your worst.

Life will happen. You’ll screw up. You’ll fight. You’ll probably even slam a few doors and say something horrible you don’t really mean. That’s what happens when we’re human. We’re flawed. Expecting perfection,rainbows, and glitter is unrealistic.

Whenever a couple tells me, “We never fight,” I know they’re in or already having trouble. No one can look great, have a perfect home, perfect kids, job, friends and be happy all the time. Believe me, I’ve tried.

You’re going to lose a job, have money problems, have a death in the family, bury a pet, lose your hair, get wrinkles, have diarrhea, vomit, forget deodorant, put your foot in your mouth, leave the seat up and spill stuff on the sofa.

The wedding is one day, the marriage for the rest of your lives.

I’m planning a wedding right now. I actually found my wedding gown today. It’s a very exciting time and a lot of attention goes into things like dresses, bridesmaids, invitations, parties, flowers, food, music, venue, etc.

The day you marry you look the best you’ll ever look. It’s taken hours of preparation and planning to look as good as we do on our wedding day, and it’s all down hill from there.

It’s very exciting, but it’s not your life. Life is farting in your sleep and spilling coffee on the cat. For one couple I know, once the wedding was over, there was nothing. Once they were married, they didn’t get along because they weren’t distracted by this big party. They had nothing to talk about.

I’m very excited to see my friends and family, throw this fantastic party, be a bride (my dress is amazing), but I’m most excited to marry the man I love. I’m looking most forward to our life together and growing old together, not the wedding.

Fight fairly.

You will fight. It’s inevitable.

Don’t bring up the past. Last week’s fight was last week. If he cheated on you 5 years ago and you forgave him, it’s off limits. If she broke your favorite mug last month, let it go.

Don’t ever use the words “you, always or never.” Ever. For example, ” You ALWAYS leave dishes in the sink and NEVER help out with the dog.” Never? Not once? Really? And being accusatory, using “you” is an attack. Instead, try, “I get really frustrated when dirty dishes are still in the sink and the dog hasn’t been fed. It would really make me more relaxed and happier if I got some help with those two things.”

Don’t talk, listen. It’s so frustrating when you’re talking and you know the other person is just planning his retort in his head. How can you respond if you don’t listen?

You will never change or fix anyone. Ever.

If there is a behavior which needs to be changed, it must be changed by the person displaying the behavior. No amount of nagging, pleading or threatening will make someone change.

It is not your responsibility to change anyone but yourself. Learn to deal with this behavior or get over it. Or don’t get married. Or get divorced.

She will only change when she is willing to recognize and fix it herself.

You are two separate people and are not expected or required to think, act or behave the same way.

Be your own person. Keep your own hobbies, interests and friends. Your partner should support and encourage this, if he doesn’t, you’ll soon be resentful, angry and unhappy. This goes both ways. Let him go to his friend Pookie’s man cave to watch the game. Use the time to do something you want to do. He should reciprocate so you have time to kick Jill’s butt at tennis or read the latest issue of Wonder Woman at a Starbucks like a grownup.

Children will change everything no matter how much you promise each other they won’t.

When a couple becomes three, life will change. You can’t have a tiny, stinky, loud, crying, hungry, fussy human being who will never let you sleep again living in your house and nothing changes.

You will argue about who has baby duty and why you haven’t gotten to shower for three days. Your wife will be emotional, scared and may be an on-call milk service for a while. Your husband will be confused, scared, nervous, stressed and may start wearing sweatpants and old flip flops to the store.

This is all normal. Life will change, but, eventually, you’ll figure out what works for you and how to sneak in romance again.

You have to find your new normal as parents, not just a married couple.

You may not be out partying in the hottest clubs in designer clothes anymore, but you’ll be so excited the baby just smiled and said, “greebo,” that you’ll be content to have a new kind of party involving ordering Chinese for the nth time, watching reruns of The Walking Dead and getting four solid hours of sleep.

If you’re fighting constantly about something specific, solve the problem.

For example, if you argue about cleaning the house, look at your finances and figure out how to have a maid service come once or twice a month.

If you argue about money, set up a budget or get an accountant. Restricting one partner from ever spending money reasonably or controlling the finances is not good for a marriage.

If you fight about not having time to yourself because of your children, schedule a regular time with your partner when he can watch the kids for a few hours and you can go to the gym. Be sure to give the other partner the same opportunity.

If it’s still an issue, hire a babysitter or get help from a friend.

Schedule romance and sex.

This sounds unromantic, but, sometimes, we get so busy and stressed we forget how hot we are for each other.

Making Friday night a date night or planning to go for a walk and holding hands reconnects you. It’s nice to feel special and attracted to your partner who you’ve only passed in the hall on the way to clean up the kids vomit or looking for clean socks.

A couple may be working, parenting and the social calendar may be full, but, taking time for your marriage and physical affection is important. It takes work.

Some things should not be shared.

I love my fiancé and he loves me, but I don’t want him to show me how much ear wax he just cleaned out and I won’t show him how I can pop a zit with one hand.

He closes the bathroom door. We all know what’s going on, but I don’t need to see it or smell it. I don’t pluck my eyebrows in front of him. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed, but it’s nice that my eyebrows are always groomed (magically.)

This isn’t about shame or pretending we’re perfect or hiding things from each other. It’s about keeping the mystery going.

He doesn’t need to see me change a tampon and I don’t want to see his belly button lint. Again, if we’re sick or hurt or needed help with any of this stuff, that’s different. I’d wipe my fiance’s butt in a heartbeat if he needed me to. In the meantime, I’ll scrub dead skin off my feet in private, thank you.

Being married means accepting all of someone, their flaws and ugliness, not just the good parts.

Finding the person who brings out your best and stands beside you at your worst is key.

By Suskyd

Advertisements

3 Things To Do Immediately If He Seems To Be Losing Interest


Never chase, plead with, or beg a guy to come back to you. You are worth more than that.

When the man you love seems to be distancing himself , it’s understandable to get caught up in over-analyzing, worrying, and stressing about what’s going on in your relationship and what you should do.

This is the time to breathe through things instead of figuring out how to get his attention back. Here are 3 things you need to do:

1. Give him his space.

You might think by giving him his space , you may lose him. Trying to win his attention and affection back when he’s pulling away only puts more pressure on him and yourself. It also increases the possibility of putting more distance between the two of you and him possibly taking advantage of you, and here’s why.

During this time, you will feel confused, uncertain, and most likely a bit desperate. Trying to reel him back under these conditions won’t let you to shine. And if he is having doubts about you, the energy of desperation that comes from trying to keep his interest, confirms his doubts.

Instead, be still and pay attention to his actions while giving him his space . Don’t read into things, because you may misinterpret what’s really going on.

Without pressure, his true intentions will be revealed through what he does. It’s possible that he may have realized how much he loves you — he may be scared, feeling overwhelmed, and is coming to terms with this. It’s also possible he is thinking of leaving you , and if that happens, things weren’t meant to be.

2. Focus on yourself.

During this time, your self-esteem may take a hit . If this happens, work on building your self worth back up and getting to a place where you feel calm during this time of uncertainty. Take care of things you have neglected, explore new interests, and get to a place where you feel okay with uncertainty.

When you feel okay again (i.e. no feelings of desperation, no negative energy, etc.), reflect on your relationship with him .

Is he really the right guy for you or do you have doubts? If you could design your ideal relationship, is what you have with him truly ideal? Do you feel happy most of the time when you think of him or when you’re together?

Or do the times of unhappiness outweigh the moments of happiness ? Be honest with yourself as you may find that you may be better off without him .

3. Let him come back to you.

If you believe in your heart that he is the right guy, let him come back to you . Be your best self and respond accordingly.

When he experiences the woman he fell for, this eases the doubts he has and may renew his interest. If he makes the effort, there is more desire for him to work through the issues that originally caused him to distance himself.

If you’re meant to be together, he will make his way back to you and you won’t have to guess how he feels.

Whatever you do, don’t chase him . You should never have to chase, plead with or beg a guy to come back to you. You are worth much more than that . If he doesn’t realize your value on his own, he doesn’t deserve to be with you.

By Abdul

10 Ways Women Act When They Don’t Love You Anymore


Understanding women isn’t easy and the fact that they can hide their emotions pretty well just makes deciphering them harder. When women give up on a relationship, they will be hesitant to be vocal about it until the very end. What they will do is show subtle signs of dissatisfaction for you to pick up on. If you can’t see these red flags and don’t act quickly enough, fixing the relationship could be beyond hope. Here are 10 warning signs to look out for when she’s not in love with you anymore:

1.

Communication is the most vital key behind the survival of any relationship. Whether you’re relationship has its ups and downs or not, when communication fizzles out there is no hope of bringing the relationship back to life. A couple who communicate with each other about the things that are bothering them, relationship wise or other, are more likely to survive a rough patch as compared to partners who shut each other out.

2.

Women love to talk and usually take the responsibility of making small talk at home. They have a dozen things on their mind and cannot wait to share details of what happened at work or at home during the day over dinner with you.

If you feel that conversations have bubbled down to almost being non-existent and that you are the only one raking your mind for things to talk about, then there is definitely something more serious at play than just ‘I’m too tired to talk’. While it could mean that it is her way of telling you that she’s mad, but if she continues to be like that without telling you why or communicating about what’s bothering her then be very worried.

3.

Has she suddenly started acting as if everything about you is bothering her? Does she give you annoyed glances when you are doing things you normally do in routine? Does she seem constantly agitated in your presence and won’t tell you why? Women are very expressive about how they feel and if they are irritated with you, one way or another they will make sure they get that message across. This kind of behavior isn’t normal and is definitely not healthy.

4.

She could be the cranky type, as we discussed in #3, but she could also be the quiet type. If she just doesn’t bother with your antics anymore and doesn’t get mad at things she normally would get mad at, then these aren’t very healthy signs either.

Don’t assume that she has learnt to accept all the irritating things that you do. It could very well be that she doesn’t find the energy or motivation in herself to invest emotionally in you anymore.

5.

When two people fall in love, and get married, they give each other their hundred percent support as well. That means she’s always there for you, cheering you on and so are you. But if you feel that she has disconnected and only focuses on herself, her work and has made herself a priority then things are heading south. Of course you would want her to be independent and chase her dreams.

She’s an individual and a whole person outside of being married to you but women tend to disconnect with the people they no longer have feelings for. They will shift the focus to themselves and you will slowly fall off their radar entirely.

6.

One of the signs of intimacy that women show is that they aren’t conscious about opening up emotionally in front of you. They will share their greatest fears with you, what they want in the future and are not afraid to let the water works flow freely in front of you.

However, when she stops opening up in front of you and doesn’t let her emotions through any more, it could be a sign that things aren’t working out for her as they did before.

7.

You can tell a woman is head over heels in love with you because she will make you feel that way. She will think of little gestures of love and acts of intimacy to let you know how much you mean to her. Women are great at making their loved ones feel extra special. When she stops loving a man, the very desire to do something special for her SO dies. She just doesn’t bother herself anymore because she isn’t invested in the relationship like she used to be.

8.

Perhaps one of the fieriest red flags is in the bedroom. It is a warning sign if she is always too tired or not in the mood. She pulls away when you try to initiate something and always has a excuse ready. You will know the passion has died and when you two do get down to something, it feels forced and as if she is just going through the ropes of it all. Relationships are in a serious danger when sexual intimacy begins to dwindle.

9.

You may have had the worst week at work but that doesn’t faze her. She has a neutral, bored and what-do-I-care expression on her face as you tell her about your work troubles or share your thoughts on something troublesome.

Your problems are no longer her problems. Where she would previously have shown interest, would have had lengthy discussions and help you solve a problem, now she wishes you would just leave her alone and stop talking.

10.

Women crave attention and they give a lot of attention to their SO as well. If previously, she couldn’t wait to shower you with her undivided attention as soon as you walked in the door (and demanded yours too) but seems distant and disengaged as of recent then it is obviously a warning sign that shallow waters are running deeper than you can swim in here.

By Relationship

18 Women Discuss The One Astrological Sign They Just Won’t Date


1. “I hate Geminis and I don’t like Leos, it’s weird to ‘love the spotlight’ in my opinion. Capricorns are too cold. Scorpio is a panty dropper and I always know I will get along with Pisces, Aries and Libras.” Melissa, 29.

2. “I will never date a Virgo. They are the moodiest, most difficult, most brooding signs of the zodiac. Chill out with all your darkness, man. Aquarians are MY LOVES. I am surrounded by Aquarians always.” – Kristen, 27.

3. “I wish I didn’t have to say this but Aquarius. They’re always in their own world, which would be fine, except for the fact they never let you in. They are so cold and emotionally detached that for a Pisces it’s extremely hard to deal with. I love how affectionate Taurus and Cancers can be.” – Larissa, 26 .

4. “My best relationship was with a Libra. We were best friends and had a very harmonious relationship for the most part. He was very romantic, loved helping me decorate our apartment. Even now, years after the break up, we still check in to see how each other is doing. I refuse to date Leos. They’re literally the worst.” – Becca, 31.

5. “Pisces men and women are always so warm and loving but you have to be careful because they can be incredibly manipulative as well. Astrology tries to make Pisces seem like the darling of the zodiac but they have a dark side too.” – Natalia, 25 .

6. “I’m completely over Leos. They are so argumentative. I thought it was just the one I went on a few dates with a couple years ago but nope, briefly dated a couple of other Leos and they had the same type of personality. Always felt like I had to defend myself over the most miniscule things. Either that or they were constantly trying to be negative and say the opposite of the point I was trying to make. Arguing isn’t fun, not sure why they always act that way. Libras and Pisces are the best hands down.” Berrie, 30 .

7. “Sagittarius is great in bed, very passionate, but they suck at relationships. I stay away from them now even though the chemistry is always so strong. My best relationship was with a Capricorn. – Lexi, 31.

8. “Pisces men! What is it with these guys? On one hand they can be so romantic. On the other hand they are really hard to pin down and keep their emotions under wraps. Which is weird because I thought I heard Pisces were overly emotional? I’ve had fun with Cancer and Virgo.” Melissa, 23.

9. “Tauruses. Ugh. They make the worst boyfriends. Cancers always feel very independent/outdoorsy/rough around the edges to me in a good way.” – Sophie, 25.

10. “The only people I’m ever told I should date are Scorpios and like, fine, I will sleep with a Scorpio because we know what to do but I refuse to date one. I know how jealous and possessive I get. I don’t need that x2.” – Heidi, 24.

11. “Cancer and Pisces is supposed to be the dream match of astrology but every Cancer guy I’ve met has been whiny and too needy for me. While I enjoy how sweet and romantic they can be I also need my own space to do my own thing.” – Emily, 28 .

12. “Sagittarians are weird but I think that may have more to do with getting your birthday usurped by Christmas. The thing I love about Aquarians if that there is a love of people… Aquarians are genuinely interested in human beings and always have this ragtag group of friends.” – Lauren, 24.

13. “Capricorns can be really cold at times, very vindictive.. Libras always have great taste. They know all the latest music, movies, and books and will take you to the best restaurants. The only thing about the one Libra I dated is he was very much into wanting to be a show off but not sure if that’s a Libra trait.” – Kelly, 29.

14. “Scorpios are very sexy but hard to date. Aries are too much work. I find I have the best chemistry with Taurus because of how down to earth they can be. They always have a large social network and they’re always out doing very active things.” – Christina, 25.

15. “As an Aries, we famously do not get along with Taurus, no matter if it’s a girl or a boy. I try not to take astrological things so seriously, but they’ve proven me wrong time and time again when I’ve tried to date a Taurus and it has fallen completely to shit. In my experience, Taurus men are impossibly defensive assholes. The Aries/Taurus match has almost always ended for me because he’s stubborn, hard-headed, and just a straight up dick.” – Kallie, 27.

16. “Aquarius is always on their phone. It’s so annoying. Geminis are very intriguing but they also like to play games so I don’t bother with them anymore.” – Michelle, 24.

17. “I have a really hard time connecting with Leos, Aquarius, and Virgos. Something about those three signs are difficult to get to know for different reasons. Leos always want to argue, Aquarius is emotionally detached, and Virgos are moody fuckers.” Emily, 32 .

18. “Say no to Virgos. Seriously. They will ruin your life. I think the reason I’m attracted to Pisces the most is because of how interesting they are. They seem like old souls to me. They can be quiet but once you get the chance to talk to them one on one they have so much to say. I’ve never dated one though, as they also seem kind of flaky.” – Magena, 27.

By Nostory

Ways to help him Last longer in bed


If you’ve ever had sex with a guy who finishes too quickly, you know how much of a spoiler it can be for you both. However, if both of you are walking away unsatisfied, that’s a big problem.

So, if your partner is in 6 minutes range, which is a normal capacity for the D in P sex.

Below are a few things you can do to help your guy last longer in bed and reach the finish line.

1. The squeeze style

Just when things start to get hot, have your guy pull and squeeze the head of his penis. You don’t have to do it really hard, but just before he feels like he’s going to come, take a pause, and firmly put pressure on the shaft of his penis with your thumb and forefinger.

2. A pre-game will help

Before sex, make masturbation part of your foreplay. Tell him you want him to watch you touch yourself, he will love it and it will also help you get a head start and close the orgasm gap so that you’re both on the same page once you’re having sex.

3. Observe small breaks

While having sex, have your man pull out and rub his chest or kiss a bit, this will calm down the excitement. This actually brings a much longer experience, which breeds deeper intimacy.

4. Just keep going

Just because he finishes doesn’t mean you have to. Sex doesn’t have to stop at an orgasm, if the after-play keeps going, it is likely he will get another erection and last a little bit longer than the second or third time.

5. pelvic exercise

This is not just for the ladies, men can do them, too, and they can make a big difference in the bedroom. So, encourage your guy to do some daily exercises while he’s sitting at his desk at work. All he needs to do is to just squeeze the muscles between genitals.

By Sarah Babs

How To Become A More Empathetic (And Far Less Defensive) Partner


Commit yourself to being empathetic.

Empathy is defined as the psychological identification with, or vicarious experiencing of, the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. Empathy results from understanding another person deeply.

When we look at the world from our partner’s point of view, we begin to bridge the gap of understanding between us . But when we are emotionally activated by tension, fear, and anger, it is extremely difficult to empathize with and understand the other person’s perspective — we are too wrapped up in our own thoughts to think clearly.

When we take time to soothe ourselves, space becomes available to see a different perspective. We begin to notice that we have something to do with the predicament we find ourselves in. The very instant we’re able to see the part we play in the situation, we can notice our lack of empathy in a relationship and our anger lessens.

And when we are not focused on being right and making the other person out to be so wholly wrong, there is room to see an issue from their point of view. Moving away from our heels-in-the-cement position allows the other person to become more flexible, too.

By taking responsibility for our role in the conflict, we set up a dynamic in which our partner is more apt to take responsibility for their actions.

It’s hard not to be defensive — dropping defensiveness is one of the hardest things to do. We become defensive when we’re afraid and try to protect ourselves from this fear. When our partner tries to protect himself or herself by being argumentative, aggressive, evasive, withdrawing or trying to avoid being emotionally vulnerable , rather than trying to get them to stop, try asking yourself and her these questions:

Is there anything I am doing that is causing you to feel anxious or frightened right now? Am I giving you a reason not to trust me? Am I acting or speaking in ways that make you feel I am not respecting what you’re saying or feeling? What is it that you want me to understand?

These are powerful questions and it’s probably better not to ask them unless you’re prepared to accept your partner’s responses without judging or questioning them. To do so only gives him or her more reasons to feel unsafe and misunderstood.

Listening without blame or judgment promotes empathy, which is the antidote to defensiveness. Tension can dissolve very quickly if we are sincerely willing to try to empathize with the truth of our partner’s feelings and perceptions.

When a deliberate decision is made to take the time and effort to search for our own part in any given breakdown in a relationship and to put ourselves aside enough to look at the issue from the other person’s point of view, the possibility for understanding expands.

With practice, over time we become more empathic partners. When we commit to becoming more empathic, we begin to look for our complicity; we pay closer attention.

This higher level of responsibility leads to less arguing, more harmony, and more closeness. Once we realize how much is at stake — the well-being of our relationship — the motivation to cultivate empathy intensifies and we are no longer willing to settle for less.

By

Gabriel

7 Secrets To Win Over The Girl Of Your Dreams


Guys of the world – take note. It may be worth your while to entertain these “throwbacks” to some good, old-fashioned manners.

1. Call her.

In this day and age of texting overload, you will absolutely distinguish yourself as a suitor if you make the effort to dial her digits to show you’re serious. Real connections happen through real-time conversation, and even by leaving a voicemail checking in to say hi, she’ll likely start to dig you more if she was into you in the first place. You should still text her from time to time to show her she’s on your mind, but texting should not be your primary form of communication.

2. Grab the check.

Even with the female gender making advancements in the workplace, it is a nice chivalrous gesture for the first four or five dates to grab at the check to show you are making an investment getting to know her. Be warned that even if she says “I can split,” she secretly wants you to pay. Just like men test women (and want to see the obligatory wallet reach), women test men to see if they accept their offer. To play it safe (just in case she is more traditional and decisive on these matters), I would insist on paying up until a point of exclusivity. It’s fine if you don’t take her to lavish, expensive meals each time — but paying each time signals your interest and will prevent her from potentially writing you off immediately.

3. Make the first date in her neighborhood. (Then ask if you can walk her home.)

When setting the first date, make it convenient for her and in her hood. So long as she is not actively sick of her area, she’ll appreciate having it on her home turf. After the date, ask if you can walk her home. If she has not run away by now with some excuse on having to meet another friend or family member who is having an emergency, you can take that as a sign it went well. If she is fine with revealing where she lives to you and doesn’t think you’ll become a stalker, this is a nice touch to show you care about her protection and want to make sure she gets home safe.

4. Buy her a small token gift that shows you’re paying attention.

Did she mention she’s a huge fan of a particular band in passing? Get concert tickets for the next date. Is she always carrying a specific type of beverage, whether that is a brand of coffee or tea? Bring her a cup of it next time you see her. Has she expressed that she’s in search of a new iPhone case? Buy one for her in her favorite color, out of the blue with no particular occasion. If she already likes you, this will make her heart melt a little more and not come off creepy.

5. Make concrete follow-up plans.

Coming from someone who is more afraid of being hurt than being alone, I think it should be incumbent upon the guy to set the first few dates and make specific follow-up plans until you’re only seeing each other. While there may be slightly more proactive girls out there who are fine with taking the lead, it can often set up a pattern of complacency. I think most women appreciate when guys lead to remove the uncertainty of wanting to see each other again. If you think it comes off too eager to make follow-up plans while you’re on the date (guys — in line with other articles that have been written, let’s immediately get off this dating trend of seeing who can act more aloof), at least send a text the next day indicating you’d like to set another date and will be in touch. If you will be out of town or have another reason you can’t meet for a week, make sure she knows you still want to see her and propose an actual specific day to get together after you get back. (We all know the all-too-common fade-away begins with vague, non-specific “I’ll call you when I get back into town.”)

6. Linguistically match her.

This is a subtle form of mirroring, but studies have shown that people who speak and write similarly are likely to be happier together than those who don’t. Makes sense, considering you often want to be on the same “level” as the person you are dating, and same level can often mean sophistication of prose. By matching her in the way she communicates, you are showing that you literally are speaking her “language” and on the same page. This helps show that you “get her” and will only increase her affection for you.

7. Cook her dinner.

One that involves more effort than heating up some Chef Boyardee’s. First, it will signal that you are good with reversing gender norms and stepping up in the kitchen, and two, show that you can provide her actual sustenance. I know I speak on behalf of many women out there who say (similar to men) that our stomachs are the way to our hearts. Plus, there is nothing sexier than seeing a guy show his chops in the kitchen. (Bonus points if you use actual adult place settings and silverware instead of disposable plates.)

By Zaid